Palm Springs, the LDS Church, and Paris Is Burning

The last two weeks have been a doozy. I really don't have a handle on it. A couple of weeks ago, the LDS church came out with an evil policy denying the children in gay households the rituals and ordinances of childhood and adolescence in the church. Oh sure, kids can get all that stuff done when they are eighteen, so the LDS church isn't REALLY really denying those children anything at all except the change to grow up in the traditions of the church family: no name and blessing, no priesthood ordinations. While it affects girls, it really targets the boys. The church's handbook policy seems like a Christlike act to me. I really wish that HTML had an <irony> tag. For those of you who don't know me, I'm rolling my eyes so far back in my head that I'm afraid that they are stuck.

So, I'm sitting poolside in Palm Springs at a clothing optional gay resort while typing this. Yes, dear readers, the gay lifestyle is quite different than the straight lifestyle. Just saying'. I'm in the semi-shade so that I can actually look at the screen as I type, and imagine that I can see what I type. All the guys who are sunning themselves think I'm an important business exec, and that I'm busy doing office work. But I'm not. I'm retired, and I'm writing this blog entry, because it seems like it's an important thing to do. I have things other than a shirt to get off my chest. And oh, BTW, I only take my pants off when I go swimming. I don't want to appear unseemly. Well, actually, I do want to appear unseemly, but that would be unseemly, wouldn't it?

A few comments about the gay lifestyle:

• Many people (including straight people and quite a few lesbians) would consider the gay lifestyle privileged.

  The statement above is only true as in how it applies to lesbians. Generally, Gay men are more privileged than lesbians. So the gay lifestyle (which most people think is gay male, anyway,) is thought to be more fabulous than the lesbian lifestyle. In my own experience that only applies to women who choose not to wear lipstick.

• The gay lifestyle is pretty fabulous, except when it isn't.

  Several not-so-fabulous events have happened within my gay lifestyle: I got fired from a job because I was gay. I was severely beaten up because I was gay. I got kicked out of the LDS church because I was gay. So bad things can happen in the gay lifestyle, <irony> but we'd rather have sex and consume vast quantities of alcohol</irony> rather than talk about the unpleasant facts of being gay in a society that despises us.

• I suppose at some level, the values that gay men have may be different than other people.

  Sex has a prominent place in our values. Yes, many gay men value sex. It's important to us. Some of you may regard this as promiscuity on the part of gay men, but we tend to think that we are simply having sex with a lot of men. Now I wish that HTML had a <nuance> tag. That would be useful in this discussion.

  So let me set the record <irony>straight</irony>. I like sex. I enjoy having sex with other men, and with men who are not my husband, although I certainly enjoy having wonderful sex with my husband, too. The sex is consensual. I'm not hitting on straight guys. I don't want sex with any guy who doesn't want sex with me. I care about the guys with whom I have sex. They are men who are working out their own paths, finding their own truth. They are often wounded, too. I care about them, and I have sex with some of them.

• Which brings me to the LDS church and the Law of Chastity, and the Plan of Happiness. The current handbook policy of the LDS church contains perverse incentives that could encourage gay men and lesbians to have promiscuous relationships on the one hand, or to live a life of loneliness, of celibacy, or a life in a mixed-orientation marriage rather than encourage lesbians and gay men to form committed, monogamous relationships with a person of the same gender.

For those of my brothers and sisters who can live the Law of Chastity as gay men or lesbians, I salute you. I cannot. For those of you in mixed-orientation marriages, I hope that your marriage doesn't end disastrously as mine did. I am so sorry for the harm and pain I caused my family. My family was completely torn apart, and in the thirty years since, I don't believe that we are any closer to healing the wound that was inflicted so deeply on my former wife, my children, or on me.

The Law of Chastity is a figment. It exists on the lips of our LDS church leaders, and I do believe they are sincere when they talk about it. It seems to me that the best way to promote the Law of Chastity is to promote faithfulness, fidelity, and love. The LDS church's current policies about homosexuality and homosexual behavior do not do that. Instead, the policies punish same-sex couples in committed relationships with mandatory church discipline. While the church may punish promiscuous same-sex behavior, it doesn't force the issue. It appears to me, that these values are inverted. They are screwed up.

• I have to ask these questions: Why is homosexuality so stigmatized? Why did a straight guy pound the crap out of me for being gay? Why did my employer think it was okay to fire a gay person? Why did my church, which claims to be Christ's true church on earth, feel it had to kick me out? What is it about homosexuality that is so awful? Do you really believe that Fred Phelps is on to something?

On Friday, my friend Bob and I were in Los Angeles. We came home from a wonderful Mexican meal, only to see on the television and read in our Facebook newsfeeds the terrible events unfolding in Paris. What happened there truly is something I cannot wrap my head around, and it just breaks my heart. Within hours my newsfeed began to fill up with emotional responses about getting "them" and full of some pretty hateful stuff. I don't like to think that my Facebook friends are haters, so I just have to decide that the emotions of the moment are short-circuiting some rational thought.

Guys, we really have to think about this. Why is ISIS doing this? What does ISIS expect to gain from this. In the meantime, across Europe and America, mosques are being defaced. Muslims are being assaulted, and the hate that started with ISIS is being repeated by haters who look an awful lot like me. Have we lost our minds? Yes, by all means we need to put a stop to ISIS terror. But Muslims are not the problem. The problem is a terror ideology that is nurtured by poverty, war, discrimination, and religious intolerance on all sides of the conflagration in Syria and Iraq. When France or the U.S. or any coalition of willing strikes a hammer against ISIS, it should not be a hammer against Muslims. I fear for the reaction in the West. It isn't going to be pretty. I'm trying to figure out how to personally work for reason and for peace. I think I'll begin with a donation to Mercy Corps to help Syrian refugees.

I'm sorry to unload this on you. It's not your fault that I wrote this.

So I should probably write a few words about my outfit. I'm wearing some lime-green trunks decorated with half-eaten ice-cream popsicles. This kind of fashion is the real fruit of the gay lifestyle. And, believe me, I'm thankful and grateful for that!

Meanwhile, Back at Church

I really don't keep this blog up very well.

Today is Mary's 37th birthday. All my little kids are growing up. In a sappy sort of way, it feels odd. I feel barely 37 myself. Who does she think she is having her 37th????

Church was astonishing, today. I felt the spirit. I was crying during the closing hymn. I'm really having composure problems in public. The three sacrament speakers all spoke about having a personal relationship with God, and they all hit it on the head. I heard comfort today that I don't often hear in church. Sundays like today give me hope. That's about the only thing fueling my presence in the pew. Hope.

That's about it for today.

Stepford Stake Conference

Today's stake conference included a broadcast from Salt Lake City, hence the Stepford Stake Conference. Everyone is so on script. I didn't hear any prophetic voices, just obey and do missionary work. What am I missing? Am I so dulled that I can't discern? I just don't feel moved by the spirit. Not even close.

Choir, choir, choir

My voice has been getting a workout recently. I'm a member of our ward choir; I'm singing in an ad hoc stake choir; I'm singing in a community choir as well. The community choir is the biggest effort. I've been working on the music for several weeks, and feel that I have the tenor line pretty much stuck in my head. Two of the pieces are high, and all of the pieces have some tricky passages in them. But I definitely love the singing, and the challenge of learning how to perform choral music. I've also been taking some voice sessions with Brian.

Trader Joe's puts together quirky entrees, and we had one of them tonight. I think it was called Spelt Risotto. Ron added some extra veggies and seasonings. It was quite good. I slightly heated my Turkish eggplant dish. It all tasted quite wonderful. I finished off dinner with a couple of Pims, because a little sweetness at the very end is a civilized way to end a meal.

I talked with Mark at choir practice today about my coming back to scripture reading. It really is making a difference for me. I'm grateful for the time to do it. Mark is becoming a good church friend. I now have about a dozen people that I trust who watch out for me. It's a good feeling.

Yep, after choir practice, I came home, had a leftover piece of pizza, then Ron and I went to the gym. I've been really needing to workout, and I need to figure out a way to make it happen predictably and regularly. It about pooped me out, but I think that's the purpose. When I got home from the gym, I called the ward mission leader to find out the scoop on feeding the missionaries. I'm supposed to feed them on Tuesday. Whatever possessed me? It should be fine.

Experimenting with Scripture

I made pizza tonight for dinner. Start off with a strong lead. That's what I was told in journalism school. I should have baked it lower in the oven, but it still tasted pretty good. The secret to good pizza is to edit the toppings. A little topping goes a long way. Soggy pizza is a downer.

Today was also Lloyd and Larry day. When I got to Larry's place, Lloyd was already to go on a walk. I took him out for a very short while because the sky was threatening rain, and we did get a few sprinkles. So I took him back to the apartment, and he and I batted the balloon a while. We talk some, and I try to be more verbal. He wanted to sleep, and napped most of the afternoon.

While Lloyd slept, I finished another Mormon Sunday School podcast (Lesson 10 - Hebrew Bible). Jared Anderson's materials are pretty good. They make me think. And they sometimes put me to sleep. More than anything else, they connect me to some Mormon discussion that has some intellectual reasoning within it, and intellectual isn't treated as a dirty word. This week's lesson discusses temple marriage and the law of chastity. The Hebrew Bible readings include the rape of Dinah, Judah's unfaithfulness with Tamar (Onan's brother's wife...), and Joseph and Potiphar's wife.

One of the things that bothers me about the Sunday School manuals is that the lesson always has a moral that may or may not fit with the readings, and as class members we are expected to extract the moral from the readings. One can certainly make some moral statements about all three stories, but none of them are really about temple marriage. I recognize that Dinah's rape and Tamar's sexual relations with Judah are problematic and violate the law of chastity, but far more weighty moral issues are at play in these two stories, and to ignore those issues is to miss the compass of the stories.

So, I've been reading quite a bit of scripture recently, something that I don't do. As I read these stories I recognize them from my youth. They have really come alive for me. I have been enjoying the readings immensely. They challenge me, and the commentary is enlightening and thought-provoking. Coupled with the podcasts, it has all been a blessing to me. I'm grateful for these resources.

I love my Bucky.

Mormon Sunday School Podcasts

Today, I got up early to bake bread. I had to get up early and get the bread out of the way, because I was going to help Perry with his cat, Charlie, later in the day. After I shaped the loaf, and was heating the oven, I started reading the Hebrew Bible. I find these stories amazing. They really touch. These people are very human over the echo of 6,000 years. It contains stories about country folk and city slickers. An ongoing theme throughout all myth and history seems to be the corrupt nature of cities.

I was quite taken with the story of Abraham's dealing with God, and dealing with his neighbors. He seems a just and righteous man, although stories seem to come from at least three different writing traditions. I found his relationship with Lot very interesting. The role that Sarah played with Hagar and Ishmael seems cruel, yet Abraham honors his wife, and also honors Ishmael. The story of the sacrifice of Isaac has always been problematic with me, but the Hebrew Bible doesn't apologize for it. It is a turning point in who Abraham is. So God is problematic, but I think God wants us to acknowledge that.

It goes on and on, the story of Rebekah is beautiful. She is a woman who has her own decisions to make in a culture that subjects women. I haven't read the story of Jacob and Esau, yet, but I know how it goes down. Again, it's full of deception, but it works God's will. What does that say about the humans in the drama, and what does that say about God?

Ron eventually got up, and we got moving to the Silver Diner for breakfast. I decided to have French toast. I haven't had it in a long time, and it was quite tasty. Ron is currently stuck on lemon ricotta pancakes. I haven't tried them yet, but I really should. He's given me a taste, and I know I would like them.

We did some shopping then I had to get ready to help Perry. I read my email, and Charlie died this morning. It's very sad for Perry. I called him. He's doing okay. I decided to get my hair cut (and it kind of got butchered). Then I went and bought some birthday cards and a couple of sympathy cards, one for Perry, and one for Angie, a former co-worker, whose father died.

Ron and I had some lunch and went on a walk. I started listening to the Mormon Sunday School podcast, lesson 10, which is about covenant making and marriage relationships, at least that's what the Sunday School curriculum reduces the story of the marriage of the patriarchs Isaac and Jacob. The manual relates it all to temple marriage. I probably won't raise the point in the class that the examples of the Hebrew Bible really don't fit the covenanted marriage of the temple. It wouldn't do any good to point out that what happened 4,000 or 6,000 years ago really isn't culturally the same that is happening today in Mormon temples. On the other hand, it is important to stress that temple marriages (or any marriage, for that matter) are built on principles of love, trust, communication, and shared values.

This evening, Ron, Tim, and I ate at Ruan Thai. The fried watercress salad is pretty incredible. We also had drunken noodles and yellow curry. It was a great meal. Tim and I went square dancing at Billy's. A good time was had by all.

So I think about the marriage that Ron and I have with each other. As the panel on the podcast were talking about the marriage relationship, I reflected on ours. We've been together forever, well about 31 years. Our love continues to grow and our relationship continues to change. As one of the panelists pointed out, we have different marriages, we just keep the same husband, and that's exactly what we've done. Somehow, we have managed to keep it fresh. I imagine that we will continue to do that. He excites me, completes me, and supports Happy's Plan of Happiness. I am grateful to be one with him in our marriage.

Monday, Monday

If it's an odd Monday, I must be square dancing at Ett's, and indeed, I was tonight with Tim. Ughhh, I really really need to review my calls. I'm embarrassed on the dance floor, as well I should be, not that I'm complaining. Tonight, Ett was speaking Greek. That is the only explanation that I have for why I couldn't dance.

Of course, that leaves the whole rest of the day up to speculation, doesn't it. The most important task I finished today was to fill out the federal and state tax forms for the condominium. They are due next Monday, but I'm putting them in tomorrow's mail. I have this phobia about tax forms. I have no problem paying taxes, but filling out this forms makes me nervous, bordering on physically ill. I'm overdue for a new condo treasurer. I want someone else to have the pleasure next tax season.

I also listened to a Mormon Sunday School podcast this afternoon. The material is breathtakingly fresh after being stuck with correlated lesson materials. Jared Anderson hosts the podcast. I listened to the lesson on Living Righteously in a Wicked World. It was great. The discussion about Abraham and Lot, and the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah dealt with some of the very difficult issues of reading ancient scriptures: the problems of history, language, and ancient culture. Too often, Mormons (and Christians) read the (English) words of their Bibles, and that is the beginning and the end of their understanding. These podcasts dig a lot deeper. They help me maintain my sanity on Sundays during Sunday School class.

Oh, and I went to the gym. Most of the old equipment has been traded out with different new equipment that is operated differently than the old. Now,here I sound like an old fart, but I really didn't have any complaint about the old equipment, and the new equipment operates very differently, I mean stuff like cross trainers and bicycles. So I am annoyed. I'll get over it in time.

And the last thing I'll recount is that I stirred up a batch of bread first thing this morning. I hope I find time to bake it tomorrow. It's some olive bread, and it has the potential to taste really good, because I only make bread that tastes really good.